Tag Archives: #godonlyknows

Trust the Process

I purchased a vintage typewriter. I’ve longed for one all year, but this grew to be more in September. It was a process because I didn’t realize the multitudes of choices. After thorough research I surmised this criteria used to take the majority of them out of the running. They needed to be in working order and the ink cartridge’s/ribbon not by any means in dramatic decline.

I found one locally and it’s electric, which I’d been casting a keen eye over manual, but I genuinely favored the color of this one. The local woman was delightful to work with and purchase from. She was elated to sell it to someone who was going to use it and it’s used every day. The main reason for the purchase was to have a way to write that didn’t include a computer screen.

I wasn’t prepared for how loud it is between the humming of the motor and each key pounding the page, but with time it grew into a welcome sound that soothes my psyche. I’ve moved it at least 20 times to various locations in my home, trying to find the space that feels right. To my surprise it persists in finding the corner of my bedroom unparalleled. Reminiscent of Stephen King in On Writing, my corner for writing found me and that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

To sit down in front of this typewriter, insert a blank page, turn it on and type each day for 30 minutes. To have no foreknowledge of the outcome, but survey the stack of pages acquiring height. This is all I can gather as we simply trust the process.

Follow the One Who Knows

I’ve been consistent with my daily walks and noticed the sky was cloudy, but stepped outside anyway. Once I rounded the corner from my street to the next, it began to rain. Normally, it doesn’t bother me to walk in the rain, but I’d already done that this week. I was caught in a downpour while out running errands and my t-shirt became soaked. I’m a little bit past the wet t-shirt contest era, so I turned around and came back home.

I felt a twinge of disappointment for not completing what I’d set out to do, but knew to try again later. Within seconds of being home, the sun came out and that irritated me even more, but I smiled and acknowledged that God can change any circumstance in an instant and that includes the weather. I’m wrestling with a feeling of discontentment today and told God as much. I’m truly blessed in so many ways, but there’s always been this little piece inside of me striving for better. Things don’t happen fast enough, or they happen all at once. While whining to God, I heard the words, “Have you done the last thing He told you to do?”

Nope, but I’m working on it and making progress in decluttering and downsizing my belongings, but there’s still a ways to go. It’s a process going through a 4 year collection of items, but there’s no doubt in my mind it’ll happen. I’ve given myself to the end of the year to see a difference and then the wintertime it’ll become more serious, so by next Spring I’ll receive some clarity of whether to stay put, or go. Yesterday, there were eight kids screaming in the yard next-door, so that tipped the scale toward go. Not that I have anything against children, but feel past that stage of life as well.

This surmises what’s past, but uncertainty of what’s ahead. There’s a feeling of togetherness here, but we can always return to what’s known. For me, it’s to stay steady along this path and to follow the one who knows.

The Door of Possibilities

I slept in this morning and the large clock hanging on the bedroom wall said, 8:00, but daylight saving time kicked in and it was actually 7:00 am. That’s the only downside to having a real clock in every room. I’ll be turning them all back an hour.

Friends have been asking, “What are your plans now that you’re an empty nester?” In October I’d planned to get my passport, so if I decided to visit friends outside the US, I’d be free to do so. You are asked to turn in your birth certificate along with the passport application and I have no idea where that might be. Yesterday, a friend told me the easiest way to find it. He encountered the same obstacle while applying for his passport, so I was grateful to have seen him on my walk.

I came home and looked up the website he’d referred me to and it looked pretty straightforward. After filling in all the information, I had a choice to make. I could pay $49 plus another $10 fee to download the document and mail it in, or for those who don’t have a printer they charge $89 plus additional fees to mail me everything needed to be filled in and mail it back. From what I gather this company would be creating a birth certificate for me, but that’s not what I was looking for. I wanted the original.

Another online search took me to the Register of Deeds in the county where I was born. This website had a vintage search engine to look up vital records. Typing in my mother’s name and the date of my birth, nothing was found, so I replaced her name with my father’s and a record of my birth came up. It was funny that my father’s name was listed first, but back then it was the proper way. I printed out the document and will fill it in to mail to the Register of Deeds with a $10 check per copy wanted of the certificate.

I had laid the whole passport thing aside because of the hiccup with the birth certificate, but I believe in my heart God wants me to have one. Where He wants me to travel to, I don’t know yet, but a passport certainly does kick open the door of possibilities.

Feature Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

It’s Just Beginning

I put clean sheets on my bed this morning, but not my daughter’s. It’s the little things that reveal our lives are separating. We raise them to be independent, but frown when they’re independent with Momma. Today, I smiled.

I’m happy my daughter is 20 years old.

My ‘raising her’ days are over, but she’s still watching. She watches how I live my life and listens to the words I say. I haven’t stopped striving to be the hero she saw at age five, but now I get to be both our heroes. Where some Mother’s feel their life is over once the kiddo’s are grown, I feel my life is just beginning.

Granted, it’s the second half of life. I’m 55 years old and single, but I’m happy. This new year/decade I’ll discover so many thing about myself, including who I want to be.

The possibilities are endless.

endless-possibilities-lilias-trotter

I encourage you to live your life.

Just because they’re grown and gone doesn’t mean life stands still. No my darling, for Momma’s of adult children, it’s just beginning.