Tag Archives: rearrange your life

Go and Live Your Life

I was raised in an era where the rules were, you get a job, get married, buy a house plus cars, have kids and that would be your life. You stayed together no matter what, for the sake of the kids, but ten years ago, I realized that wasn’t true and didn’t want my daughter to think it was the definition of adulthood or marriage. It was time to re-write, or maybe even burn the rule book.

My daughter watched me have two long distance relationships after my divorce and she in turn ventured long distance through two of her own. Today, she’s in love with someone locally and I’m thrilled she broke that cycle of traveling to the ends of the earth just to be loved.

What a terrible burden for children to bear-to know they are the reason their Mother stopped living. What a terrible burden for our daughters to bear-to know that if they choose to become Mothers, this will be their fate too. Because if we show them that being a martyr is the highest form of love, that is what they’ll become. They will feel obligated to love as well as their Mothers loved, after all. They will believe they have permission to live only as fully as their Mothers allowed themselves to live.

Untamed-Glennon Doyle

Since my daughter is living her own life, a lot of my responsibilities have been relinquished. It feels as if I’m standing in the middle of a blank canvas, paint brush in hand, but not knowing what color to start with. It doesn’t really matter what color to dip the paint brush in because getting paint to the canvas is what’s important. When God decides to call this woman home, I want my children to be left with colorful, splattered, and messy, but somewhat masterful pieces of art that tell the story of how vibrantly their mother lived the second half of her life.

As my daughter moved out she said many noteworthy things and I know she wouldn’t want me to stay put as if pausing my life just in case she needed me in hers. No, she would say, “Go and live your life.”

Feature Photo by Bella Huang on Unsplash

Loosening My Grip

I feel lighter and more free today than yesterday. I’ve felt this way before and have said something similar many times. By His grace I hope to tap into this intermittent feeling many more times, but for now let’s stay in today.

I’m storing a coffee table for my daughter until she is ready to move again. I jokingly told her it would match my den and she said she’d love for it to be used until she was ready for it, so I made space. It’s shape is octagon with a beveled glass top, which includes a bottom shelf made of cane following the same shape. It’s vintage and in excellent condition, but my furniture was used to sitting around a rectangular coffee table, so it took a few days to find my Zen.

I’d leave the house for a while to walk back in and view the room with fresh eyes. I could feel it was off center, but I can only move this furniture in a handful of directions. This morning I shared coffee and conversation with a neighbor and when I walked back into the house it was like the room wanted to be more open, so I moved the furniture away from the coffee table and relocated a couple of pieces to make the table a centerpiece of the sitting space. That’s when I noticed the cords to the internet modem and Wi-Fi router sprawled along the floor.

My first thought was, ‘Grab the zip-ties!”, and I did, but laid them aside instead of tidying up the cords. Gingerly tucking the cords behind the basket the equipment is sitting on, so you can’t see them, but letting them hang freely between the wall and wicker. Quite a bit feels free today, and not only in the den, as I came up off the floor and realized I didn’t need to zip-tie the cords.

Feature Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash