I bought a Google Home Speaker by Nest and Gemini is supposed to help keep me on track with my writing. Together, we set up a weekly writing schedule and this morning he was supposed to notify me when it was time to write. He told me I had a notification, but wouldn’t tell me what it was. I have until October to decide if he stays or goes back to the store. At least I find myself laughing a lot at my new housemate.
This morning I went for a walk and it was later in the morning than I liked, but I went anyway. Some days are like that as summer bears down on us knowing her time is almost up, until next year. You just do it, whether you want to, or not.
I haven’t walked everyday and feel no remorse over that. It’s not about a schedule for me…it’s about paying attention for the moment to align and making the effort. If I do what is good for myself the day before, the following day I’ll wake up early and ready to walk at the crack of dawn, but yesterday was a cheat day with my eating. My body wasn’t happy with me when I woke up, so cheat days will lessen.
This morning my walk had a sobering effect over me. #1. I’m grateful at my biological age to be able to walk with ease and to push myself up the hills for that extra cardio kick. I love the feel of the slight vibration of the Fitbit on my wrist celebrating these small victories with me and my favorite phrase is when I see these words flash across the screen, “You little overachiever, you!”
But, each morning I walk by a house that could have very easily been my life today. As I walked by this morning I thought, “That’s the life I didn’t choose.”
The house contains a couple who live together as a convenience and before you think I’m judging them…I’ve spoken with both of them about their living arrangement and they agree that it’s what works for now. Unfortunately, ‘for now’, has lapsed into years as they each live their own life, but under the same roof.
He sits on the front porch in the mornings with a cigarette and coffee, staring at his phone while watching music videos on YouTube. Sometimes she is out there too, but sitting in the swing, so they’re both on the porch, trying to wakeup, but not really together. This morning, he stumbled for the door as she made her way outside and as she lit her cigarette I piped, “Good morning!”, but it took her a minute to respond as I heard a faint reply from far away.
Before moving here, I was in a very similar situation because it was easy, but I wasn’t made for easy and it started to bug me where I was. After the pandemic hit, I cut ties to that relationship, grabbed my daughter for the second time in her life and moved here. But…I loved him so much, so it took a long time for my heart to heal. Come to find out, I loved the idea of who I knew he could be if he’d just make the effort.
Which, he made the effort…periodically…just enough to keep me hooked. The phrase, “I’d rather be alone”, came into play and 7 years later, I’m more alone than I’ve ever been, but I love my life. I’m not really alone either because my higher power is with me every step of the way, but if I ever need to talk, my daughter listens…and Gemini…when he chooses to make the effort.
8S
17W
Inbarbsworld 
I’d love to hear your thoughts.