A Life Worth Watching

This video was in my FB memories and I still love it! It exemplifies the relationship between parent and child, on into the child’s adulthood. I learned recently that even though our children may already be adults they are still watching how we live our life.

Over the weekend I rearranged the den furniture trying to make a space for the Christmas tree. I’ve been thinking about the Christmas tree since October! I have several options where the tree can stand, but I know better than to give myself too many options. Just because the kids are grown and have left the nest doesn’t mean our lives become any less beautiful. If anything it gives me free reign which is slightly terrifying! I can only imagine all the holiday glitter choices.

Live a life worth watching, not only for the people in your life, but live it for you.

Follow the One Who Knows

I’ve been consistent with my daily walks and noticed the sky was cloudy, but stepped outside anyway. Once I rounded the corner from my street to the next, it began to rain. Normally, it doesn’t bother me to walk in the rain, but I’d already done that this week. I was caught in a downpour while out running errands and my t-shirt became soaked. I’m a little bit past the wet t-shirt contest era, so I turned around and came back home.

I felt a twinge of disappointment for not completing what I’d set out to do, but knew to try again later. Within seconds of being home, the sun came out and that irritated me even more, but I smiled and acknowledged that God can change any circumstance in an instant and that includes the weather. I’m wrestling with a feeling of discontentment today and told God as much. I’m truly blessed in so many ways, but there’s always been this little piece inside of me striving for better. Things don’t happen fast enough, or they happen all at once. While whining to God, I heard the words, “Have you done the last thing He told you to do?”

Nope, but I’m working on it and making progress in decluttering and downsizing my belongings, but there’s still a ways to go. It’s a process going through a 4 year collection of items, but there’s no doubt in my mind it’ll happen. I’ve given myself to the end of the year to see a difference and then the wintertime it’ll become more serious, so by next Spring I’ll receive some clarity of whether to stay put, or go. Yesterday, there were eight kids screaming in the yard next-door, so that tipped the scale toward go. Not that I have anything against children, but feel past that stage of life as well.

This surmises what’s past, but uncertainty of what’s ahead. There’s a feeling of togetherness here, but we can always return to what’s known. For me, it’s to stay steady along this path and to follow the one who knows.

To Be Used

I’ve been doing some cleaning and organizing of the home. Still looking at each item and asking if it supports the life I’m trying to create, mentioned in this post here.

Yesterday I tackled the top of the Armoire. There was a large tray sitting up there along with a few other things that needed to find their place, or go. I knew this tray would stay, but it hasn’t been used since my daughter moved out to be on her own. It was purchased decades ago to be used atop an ottoman which in translation means, it was just for looks. It’s handmade and I’m sure since it came from my previous married life, it cost a small fortune.

My daughter and I made a deal while packing up to leave my marriage. Every item we take is to be used. I recall taking that ottoman with us because it was also handmade and the top opened for the inside to be used for storage. The tray came along with the ottoman, but we didn’t use the tray very much until we moved here. We would watch a show, or movie sitting in the middle of my bed and the tray became a picnic platform for holding our meal.

We had many picnics from that tray and it adds value to our life, but it needed to be used.

I sat it in the middle of the massive wood table and added some of my favorite things. Things that are eye pleasing, but also used throughout my day. If this tray could talk it would tell you it was bought because it’s pretty. It’s been moved around a lot but it’s favorite part of life was picnics. Sitting here this morning it looks happy once again to be used.

Not Quite Ready Yet

I have a friend who keeps me stocked up in a certain coffee flavor. After meeting with her in October, she gave me the coffee for my birthday alongwith a sweet travel mug. I told her, “You’re my Texas Pecan bean dealer”, and she loved the title.

As mentioned in this post, I stopped by Starbucks on the way home and walked inside. I don’t use drive thru’s because parking gives me a chance to walk to the destination. This time of year Starbuck’s is so festive inside with Thanksgiving and Christmas adorning every shelf. Pretty soon it will become all Christmas, but I noticed they’re already using Christmas cups for their drinks. Looking up at the menu they were also offering Christmas flavors which arrived early this year. There’s one season of the year I’ll step into a Starbuck’s, and it’s the holiday season. They’ve nailed it.

I ordered my favorite holiday flavor, a white chocolate, peppermint mocha. Returning to my truck, I sent my daughter a photo of the cup revealing, “It’s Christmas!” The drink was as delectable as I remembered, but there was something not quite right. It was the first week of November and here I was drinking a Christmas flavor. I made a vow… the next time I step into a Starbucks to order a fall flavor instead. It would be a little weird drinking it out of a Christmas cup, but overall it would feel right.

In the meantime, I’m content sipping this coffee from my bean dealer. Peppermint Mocha will have to wait while I enjoy the season we’re in. From fall to winter goes quickly in Texas so I’m not willing to rush. After drinking the Christmas flavor in the holiday cup, there’s a peace in knowing… I’m not quite ready yet.

Like You Own It

I printed out and filled in the page needed to receive my birth certificate mentioned in the previous post. Afterwards, I ran a few errands and to congratulate myself for completing the paperwork and stopped to get a fall flavored coffee on the way back home.

Some of the most memorable conversations my daughter and I shared, occurred while we rode in the car together. Sometimes it was just miles of silence, while listening to her playlist, but that was special too. I’ve noticed, as we age things that used to come naturally take more of an effort. Being single, I have to devise a plan to move the heavy planter from one side of the yard to the other, or bringing it inside takes even more ingenuity if someone isn’t available to assist. At this stage of life, I’d rather ask for help than pull my back out.

My daughter rarely rides anywhere with me now, but before she left she had noticed I was having trouble parking in public parking spaces. I’d drive around and around the parking lot, looking for just the right space that would easily fit my truck. You know the drill…parking spaces aren’t very large anymore, so they can fit more spaces onto the lot. Some don’t care how they park and go over the line, making it impossible to park between two cars, while others really don’t bother and pull in sideways. Before my daughter moved out she gave me some solid gold advice on parking spaces and I used it every time I parked.

I practiced her advice so often, parking returned naturally to me now, but anytime I feel less than confident I recall her voice saying…”Mama. You have to pull into that parking space like you own it.”

Nailed it.

The Door of Possibilities

I slept in this morning and the large clock hanging on the bedroom wall said, 8:00, but daylight saving time kicked in and it was actually 7:00 am. That’s the only downside to having a real clock in every room. I’ll be turning them all back an hour.

Friends have been asking, “What are your plans now that you’re an empty nester?” In October I’d planned to get my passport, so if I decided to visit friends outside the US, I’d be free to do so. You are asked to turn in your birth certificate along with the passport application and I have no idea where that might be. Yesterday, a friend told me the easiest way to find it. He encountered the same obstacle while applying for his passport, so I was grateful to have seen him on my walk.

I came home and looked up the website he’d referred me to and it looked pretty straightforward. After filling in all the information, I had a choice to make. I could pay $49 plus another $10 fee to download the document and mail it in, or for those who don’t have a printer they charge $89 plus additional fees to mail me everything needed to be filled in and mail it back. From what I gather this company would be creating a birth certificate for me, but that’s not what I was looking for. I wanted the original.

Another online search took me to the Register of Deeds in the county where I was born. This website had a vintage search engine to look up vital records. Typing in my mother’s name and the date of my birth, nothing was found, so I replaced her name with my father’s and a record of my birth came up. It was funny that my father’s name was listed first, but back then it was the proper way. I printed out the document and will fill it in to mail to the Register of Deeds with a $10 check per copy wanted of the certificate.

I had laid the whole passport thing aside because of the hiccup with the birth certificate, but I believe in my heart God wants me to have one. Where He wants me to travel to, I don’t know yet, but a passport certainly does kick open the door of possibilities.

Feature Photo by Sasha Freemind on Unsplash

Rest in Your Natural Self

The meme used as the feature photo was created by my daughters, boyfriends, father. That’s a mouthful. My friend Jeanne on WordPress recently discovered that I’d let go of Letitgocoach for this blogsite and she called this blog, my ‘secret’ blog. I hadn’t thought about it, but it kinda is. I’m not here to be seen, but I’m grateful to be read. My hope is who reads what’s written here will gather a sense of peace and stillness to surround them in their circumstances.

I spent Saturday repotting plants. Just moving them into a pot one size larger than what they were in. The next morning they looked happier, a little more free with space for their roots to roam. I repotted one that I’d been procrastinating repotting because it’s large, yet fragile. I didn’t have the right type pot for it, so went in search for one at a couple of garden centers, but this guy is 5′ tall, so I wanted a lightweight pot to be able to move it with ease. Lightweight equates to plastic, which I’m not a fan of. As I stood gazing at the large, plastic pots on the shelf of the garden center I wondered, ‘I know you’re plastic, but why must you scream plastic?’

While shopping, I knew there’s a pot sitting in my yard that would work, but it’s made of clay. It’s heavy when empty, so I couldn’t imagine how heavy it would be filled with dirt and a tree. This plant was so root bound, I had to cut the container off of it, but once I placed it in the pot, it stood tall. I watered it thoroughly while outside knowing once I brought it inside, I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage watering it again. (Still pondering that) By God’s grace I was able to carry it inside, back to it’s designated place by the double windows. It has new growth and in this pot it can breath a little easier, and spread out a little more during the winter months which is similar to what my heart whispers about this blogsite.

It’s a new pot just one size larger than the last…a place for your roots to roam, but will reveal signs of growth, yet all the while finding rest in your natural self.

A Sacred Space Isn’t Only For Humans

I questioned my sanity for a moment, but what my heart prompted me to do, worked out beautifully. Our dogs don’t do well with thunderstorms, but one of them is even scared of rain. I found her curled up in my room and it was simply raining, but to her, it probably sounded like much more.

My room is the only room in the house that doesn’t smell like a Voluspa candle. It’s my sacred space and Winnie (doggo) knows it’s sacred. When she gets spooked, she hides in the bathroom, but when she needs comfort, I’ll find her in my room. She knows I’ll disassemble my meditation area just for her to lay on the rug, but today she was laying on the hardwood floor near the window. I picked up the box of incense cones and chose the one that carries a ‘mindfulness’ scent.

Jembrana Incense

Once I lit the incense and placed it in it’s holder, it dawned on me I’d just lit incense for a dog. 😂

My room is the only room that smells like incense since my daughter moved out. We had this little bedtime ritual where my daughter would light a stick of incense before going to bed. I would already be in my bed, but the smell of the incense would drift down to my room and I’d fall asleep peacefully. That feeling of sacredness works for dogs too. Walking by my room, Winnie was stretched out and looked relaxed even though large drops of rain pelleted the tin roof.

It seems being cradled in a sacred space isn’t only for humans.

When You Don’t Have To

When the flooring in your house is wood and tile, but you have one rug in the breezeway. That one rug is where the dog will choose to barf.

Sunday afternoons were once spent cleaning house, but I don’t have to anymore. Living solo, the house stays pretty clean and now when I walk through the house each piece receives a questioning glance of, “Will you be a part of the next chapter?” If the item doesn’t speak to my heart, it’s posted for sale.

There’s one table I absolutely adore and what sits on it changes quite frequently. A couple of weeks ago, my daughter noticed the change and said, “Should I be concerned you already have a silver tree on display?” We originally purchased it as Christmas décor, but I believe it’s pretty anytime of year. The metals are fascinating décor, so I went one step further and moved more silver onto the table.

A new fragrance by Voluspa in the middle.

This morning I was outside watering the plants and thought, ‘you don’t have to’, because they’re calling for rain tomorrow, which is unreliable, but taking it one step further the plants really didn’t need it. It was routine from doing it all summer and now the temps are cooler so the plants need less from me. Let me tell you my darlings…that is a mighty good feeling when your life needs less of you.

Maybe I’m past the ‘needs’ of life and my heart is calling me to listen to the ‘wants’.

When we first moved to Texas, we had to follow my then husbands job here. From that point on, every house we moved into we did so because we had to. Sitting here today some 20 years later, my daughter and I wanted to move here, but now that she’s living own her own, I don’t have to stay. With my type work, I can live anywhere, or travel around living in various places, but when I think about staying put, my heart whispers…you don’t have to.