Tag Archives: divorce over fifty

Chocolate and Hummus

My daughter is visiting Wednesday and by the time this is published that day will be here. It’s Tuesday morning, but not yet daylight as I sit and type. I woke up thinking about the pile of drafts on this site waiting for the light of day.

Sitting here at 6:30 a.m. it seems the drafts and I have similar interests…to see the light of day. The drafts are mainly titles and some have the makings of a blogpost already written on the page, but this one was merely a title. It was written last April and saved to drafts when my daughter still lived here. Chocolate and hummus were two things we kept readily available in this house.

They weren’t always there, but if not, they were easily accessible. A quick drive to the market would manifest chocolate and hummus into our home which made that day better in some way. My daughter’s happiness moment was a fresh container of hummus with Naan and mine was having some form of chocolate to snack on. Stepping into the kitchen I see the glass jar of chocolate almost empty and the hummus sitting in the fridge is about a week old and half eaten.

Seeing this title almost one year later I can surmise chocolate and hummus lost their footing in my solo life, but they were a mainstay in our life together. These two things brought comfort in knowing they were there and I wonder if she’ll look for them today? Taking a sweeping glance around the house it looks like a single woman/writer lives here with way too many books, but I hope it forever feels like home…with or without chocolate and hummus.

You Do You Boo

It’s Friday morning around 10:00 am, and I’m sitting at the massive wood kitchen table that has evolved into a giant desk. Looking away from the laptop screen onto the window I spot the mail carrier’s van sitting in front of my mailbox. Laying my glasses aside I head for the door, step outside and stroll through the front yard, across the street to the mailbox. That’s when I spotted it…

My neighbors had company and they were still seated in their vehicle with a clear view of yours truly. It bothered me for half a second, but then I felt my back straighten to stand at full height and lifted my chin as if I belonged there.

Here’s a detail about my walk to the mailbox. I was still wearing my pajamas, robe and pink suede house boots. This is not unusual and sometimes you’ll catch me still wearing that at noon if it’s a Friday, or weekend. (The joys of being single and working from home.) None of my outfit matches, so I’m sure it’s a sight to behold for a stranger, but my actual neighbors seem to think it’s part of Barb’s charm. Hercules commented recently, “That’s a nice robe you have there Barbara.”

When people ask, “What do you do for fun?”, I exclaim…”I write letters to people all over the world!” Silence. I wrote about letter writing last year that you can read here, so seeing the mail arrive is happiness for me. I don’t expect a letter in return, but opening the mailbox and seeing a small stack of them is sweet!

Don’t give a single thought what other people think.

You do you boo.

PS. If you’d like to receive a hand-written letter, email your details to Inbarbsworld@gmail.com

These Three Words

The first time she left me a note, it was scribbled on a shipping label with black sharpie. This was the norm for a while, but as the months rolled by I went to retrieve the mail, and spotted a small, white envelope laying atop the mail. Nestled inside was an actual thank you note written in ink, but then today inside my mailbox there laid a postcard and her words filled me with a sense of ‘mission accomplished.’ I believe there’s three words which are more meaningful than the three we give away daily and they are…

I appreciate you.

Who is ‘she’?

My mail carrier.

Being a mail carrier is not for sissies, especially in the Texas heat, so all year long I’ve let my mail carrier know…I appreciate you. Sometimes I’d leave her a Starbucks card because it seems to me you’d need a torrent of coffee to deliver mail! If I had two of something, one was left in the mailbox for her along with these three words. If you hear the same words long enough they become believable, but it’s imperative the words you hear refresh your soul and help you grow. My mission was to put these three words in front of my mail carrier until she felt them and by the note she left today it’s confirmed.

Who is in your daily life that longs to hear these three words?

Feature Photo by Stéphan Valentin on Unsplash

The Age of Absolutely

I drove into town specifically to purchase a pair of gloves. I’d seen them in one of my favorite shoppes over a month ago and was drawn to them then, but didn’t make the purchase. They only had two pair left of an interesting pattern that I probably wouldn’t have chosen at first glance, but sliding my hand inside the glove, they offered that same divine feeling as the solid colored pair I’d tried on previously. I knew right then and there, this was an absolutely.

Standing at the counter to pay I told the cashier, “I don’t need a bag”, but she smiled and said, “These gloves come with their very own box!”

My immediate thought was, it’s a shame to not be giving them as a gift, but the cashier recommended using the box to hold any gift. I shrugged off the glimmer of guilt and wished everyone a spectacular day to begin the journey home.

I was raised in a home where Mama never bought anything fun for herself. We had what we needed, but not much extra and then my marriage of 23 years was the opposite where everything was bought for me if I looked at it twice.

I don’t recall Mama letting her heart lead until she was in her 50’s, like I’ve been more apt to follow my heart in recent years. Decisions don’t have to be yes, or no because the heart knows absolutely. I’ll leave you with that my darling reader’s, but it seems I’ve reached the age of absolutely. Have you?

A Life Worth Watching

This video was in my FB memories and I still love it! It exemplifies the relationship between parent and child, on into the child’s adulthood. I learned recently that even though our children may already be adults they are still watching how we live our life.

Over the weekend I rearranged the den furniture trying to make a space for the Christmas tree. I’ve been thinking about the Christmas tree since October! I have several options where the tree can stand, but I know better than to give myself too many options. Just because the kids are grown and have left the nest doesn’t mean our lives become any less beautiful. If anything it gives me free reign which is slightly terrifying! I can only imagine all the holiday glitter choices.

Live a life worth watching, not only for the people in your life, but live it for you.

Follow the One Who Knows

I’ve been consistent with my daily walks and noticed the sky was cloudy, but stepped outside anyway. Once I rounded the corner from my street to the next, it began to rain. Normally, it doesn’t bother me to walk in the rain, but I’d already done that this week. I was caught in a downpour while out running errands and my t-shirt became soaked. I’m a little bit past the wet t-shirt contest era, so I turned around and came back home.

I felt a twinge of disappointment for not completing what I’d set out to do, but knew to try again later. Within seconds of being home, the sun came out and that irritated me even more, but I smiled and acknowledged that God can change any circumstance in an instant and that includes the weather. I’m wrestling with a feeling of discontentment today and told God as much. I’m truly blessed in so many ways, but there’s always been this little piece inside of me striving for better. Things don’t happen fast enough, or they happen all at once. While whining to God, I heard the words, “Have you done the last thing He told you to do?”

Nope, but I’m working on it and making progress in decluttering and downsizing my belongings, but there’s still a ways to go. It’s a process going through a 4 year collection of items, but there’s no doubt in my mind it’ll happen. I’ve given myself to the end of the year to see a difference and then the wintertime it’ll become more serious, so by next Spring I’ll receive some clarity of whether to stay put, or go. Yesterday, there were eight kids screaming in the yard next-door, so that tipped the scale toward go. Not that I have anything against children, but feel past that stage of life as well.

This surmises what’s past, but uncertainty of what’s ahead. There’s a feeling of togetherness here, but we can always return to what’s known. For me, it’s to stay steady along this path and to follow the one who knows.

To Be Used

I’ve been doing some cleaning and organizing of the home. Still looking at each item and asking if it supports the life I’m trying to create, mentioned in this post here.

Yesterday I tackled the top of the Armoire. There was a large tray sitting up there along with a few other things that needed to find their place, or go. I knew this tray would stay, but it hasn’t been used since my daughter moved out to be on her own. It was purchased decades ago to be used atop an ottoman which in translation means, it was just for looks. It’s handmade and I’m sure since it came from my previous married life, it cost a small fortune.

My daughter and I made a deal while packing up to leave my marriage. Every item we take is to be used. I recall taking that ottoman with us because it was also handmade and the top opened for the inside to be used for storage. The tray came along with the ottoman, but we didn’t use the tray very much until we moved here. We would watch a show, or movie sitting in the middle of my bed and the tray became a picnic platform for holding our meal.

We had many picnics from that tray and it adds value to our life, but it needed to be used.

I sat it in the middle of the massive wood table and added some of my favorite things. Things that are eye pleasing, but also used throughout my day. If this tray could talk it would tell you it was bought because it’s pretty. It’s been moved around a lot but it’s favorite part of life was picnics. Sitting here this morning it looks happy once again to be used.

Not Quite Ready Yet

I have a friend who keeps me stocked up in a certain coffee flavor. After meeting with her in October, she gave me the coffee for my birthday alongwith a sweet travel mug. I told her, “You’re my Texas Pecan bean dealer”, and she loved the title.

As mentioned in this post, I stopped by Starbucks on the way home and walked inside. I don’t use drive thru’s because parking gives me a chance to walk to the destination. This time of year Starbuck’s is so festive inside with Thanksgiving and Christmas adorning every shelf. Pretty soon it will become all Christmas, but I noticed they’re already using Christmas cups for their drinks. Looking up at the menu they were also offering Christmas flavors which arrived early this year. There’s one season of the year I’ll step into a Starbuck’s, and it’s the holiday season. They’ve nailed it.

I ordered my favorite holiday flavor, a white chocolate, peppermint mocha. Returning to my truck, I sent my daughter a photo of the cup revealing, “It’s Christmas!” The drink was as delectable as I remembered, but there was something not quite right. It was the first week of November and here I was drinking a Christmas flavor. I made a vow… the next time I step into a Starbucks to order a fall flavor instead. It would be a little weird drinking it out of a Christmas cup, but overall it would feel right.

In the meantime, I’m content sipping this coffee from my bean dealer. Peppermint Mocha will have to wait while I enjoy the season we’re in. From fall to winter goes quickly in Texas so I’m not willing to rush. After drinking the Christmas flavor in the holiday cup, there’s a peace in knowing… I’m not quite ready yet.

Like You Own It

I printed out and filled in the page needed to receive my birth certificate mentioned in the previous post. Afterwards, I ran a few errands and to congratulate myself for completing the paperwork and stopped to get a fall flavored coffee on the way back home.

Some of the most memorable conversations my daughter and I shared, occurred while we rode in the car together. Sometimes it was just miles of silence, while listening to her playlist, but that was special too. I’ve noticed, as we age things that used to come naturally take more of an effort. Being single, I have to devise a plan to move the heavy planter from one side of the yard to the other, or bringing it inside takes even more ingenuity if someone isn’t available to assist. At this stage of life, I’d rather ask for help than pull my back out.

My daughter rarely rides anywhere with me now, but before she left she had noticed I was having trouble parking in public parking spaces. I’d drive around and around the parking lot, looking for just the right space that would easily fit my truck. You know the drill…parking spaces aren’t very large anymore, so they can fit more spaces onto the lot. Some don’t care how they park and go over the line, making it impossible to park between two cars, while others really don’t bother and pull in sideways. Before my daughter moved out she gave me some solid gold advice on parking spaces and I used it every time I parked.

I practiced her advice so often, parking returned naturally to me now, but anytime I feel less than confident I recall her voice saying…”Mama. You have to pull into that parking space like you own it.”

Nailed it.