Butting Heads With God

I wasn’t sure when I’d show back up here, but today seems like a good day to return. Since the first day of the new year I’ve been sick, but two weeks later, I can actually form a coherent thought! I’m never sick, so having this lingering illness that refuses to leave is foreign for me. I’ll never take being healthy for granted again.

By day 12, I was pretty upset with God. Every morning I’d wake up with a speck of improvement, but didn’t feel like myself. I haven’t been able to drink any coffee which is scary enough within itself, but the terrifying part is I don’t even miss it. I discovered the pure joy in having groceries delivered to my front door, but fear I won’t leave my house as often anymore. I’ve become highly disciplined at meditation just to hear myself breathe and my daughter’s dog, Winnie usually joins me.

Yesterday was day 12 and I went for a drive just to make sure I still knew how to drive. I told God the most frustrating part of this illness for me was not feeling like myself and I miss her, so I pretty much begged God to bring her back!

I wasn’t willing to give her up.

And on this faithful morning, of Day 13….my favorite parts of her returned. Thank you, God.

The Christmas Tree

My neighbor whom I refer to as Hercules didn’t put his Christmas tree up this year. He shared he only did it for his granddaughter and since she moved away there’s no need. My daughter moved out this year, but the tinsel tree made it’s appearance before Thanksgiving.

I bought this tree the year my daughter went to England for Christmas and it’s absolutely obnoxious, but it brings a smile to my face every time I look at it. This morning I was sitting near the tree reading my devotional and gazing at the ornaments within view. The tree tells a story of a single Mom and her daughter and their love for pretty. There are still a few ornaments hanging on from years ago when we decorated our first tree while living on our own. Over the years, the ornaments became better quality, so you can tell my income increased.

This morning my devotional says, “I am working on your behalf. Bring Me all your concerns, including your dreams. Talk with Me about everything, letting the light of My presence shine on your hopes and plans. Spend time allowing My light to infuse your dreams with life, gradually transforming them into reality.” (Jesus Calling page 362) That’s where I am on this journey.

Maybe men have different viewpoints than women about the Christmas tree. When I first met Mr. Smith he didn’t have a tree, but he did the following year and my guess would be it’s become more elaborate over time. Then again, my daughter’s boyfriend loves everything about Christmas and they were thrilled to decorate my tree for me, so I’m perplexed. Feel free to share your views.

There’s still time to buy a real tree, or the closer it gets to Christmas, you can buy an artificial one at a really good price. The ornaments will start to go on sale and after Christmas they’ll be 75% off, so if you’re not feeling the Christmas tree this year, you can plan to have one next year. I have faith my life story is already written, but December is the one time a year we can see something larger than ourselves, holding snippets of our life and it’s mesmerizing.

Here’s a single Mom, in an empty nest, with an undying love for the Christmas tree.

Feature Photo by Bao Menglong on Unsplash