Tag Archives: single mom

Go and Live Your Life

I was raised in an era where the rules were, you get a job, get married, buy a house plus cars, have kids and that would be your life. You stayed together no matter what, for the sake of the kids, but ten years ago, I realized that wasn’t true and didn’t want my daughter to think it was the definition of adulthood or marriage. It was time to re-write, or maybe even burn the rule book.

My daughter watched me have two long distance relationships after my divorce and she in turn ventured long distance through two of her own. Today, she’s in love with someone locally and I’m thrilled she broke that cycle of traveling to the ends of the earth just to be loved.

What a terrible burden for children to bear-to know they are the reason their Mother stopped living. What a terrible burden for our daughters to bear-to know that if they choose to become Mothers, this will be their fate too. Because if we show them that being a martyr is the highest form of love, that is what they’ll become. They will feel obligated to love as well as their Mothers loved, after all. They will believe they have permission to live only as fully as their Mothers allowed themselves to live.

Untamed-Glennon Doyle

Since my daughter is living her own life, a lot of my responsibilities have been relinquished. It feels as if I’m standing in the middle of a blank canvas, paint brush in hand, but not knowing what color to start with. It doesn’t really matter what color to dip the paint brush in because getting paint to the canvas is what’s important. When God decides to call this woman home, I want my children to be left with colorful, splattered, and messy, but somewhat masterful pieces of art that tell the story of how vibrantly their mother lived the second half of her life.

As my daughter moved out she said many noteworthy things and I know she wouldn’t want me to stay put as if pausing my life just in case she needed me in hers. No, she would say, “Go and live your life.”

Feature Photo by Bella Huang on Unsplash

A Season of Horrid

My mail lady is going through some changes with the postal service. The other day I asked her, “How are you doing?” and she said, “I’m making $6,000 a year less and doing the same work!” I wasn’t expecting that.

This week, I dropped a note in the mailbox for her along with a Starbuck’s gift card. I sat and stared at the blank piece of card stock for quite a while, pen in hand while trying to pluck the right words from my heart onto the paper, but then realized it didn’t need to be spellbinding. She would probably appreciate the gift card without a note, or a note with no gift card. As a writer, I get too caught up in the words and it prolongs the gesture.

Almost everyone who crosses our path is going through something horrid. On the surface they act like everything is fine, but by standing still as if waiting to hear more they’ll share deeper. It’s such sacred ground to stand on while someone is bearing their soul in our presence and all we need to do is listen.

All they need is to be heard. Saying the words out loud validates the feelings and often brings clarity long after I’ve walked away. Nothing stays the same for long and whatever you’re going through, it will pass, but while we’re in it, the situation looks and feels horrid. Don’t lose heart my lovely.

In order to clear the path, we may be asked to go through a season of horrid.

Cooking For One (Maybe 2)

I recently streamed a movie entitled ‘Adam’ and it was very good. Adam is a grown man with Asperger’s Syndrome and at the beginning of the movie the camera showed how infinitely organized his flat was. In his freezer he had a row of frozen Amy’s Macaroni and Cheese, so Adam is basically my soulmate.

I love Mac and Cheese, but prefer homemade. Cooking for one can be challenging, which nowadays recipe sites offer an option for one, but this was before that. I’ve been toying with this recipe to where it’s nailed down to one person and if you love Mac and Cheese as much as me it never disappoints. I use a variety of pasta and my favorites by far are Bronze Cut Rigatoni, Penne, or Tortiglioni.

Cook the pasta until done to your liking and let drain in a strainer. While the pot, or pan is still hot, drop the butter in to melt and turn heat to low to add heavy cream along with cheese. Stir well and add cooked pasta stirring to combine thoroughly with cheese sauce. If you cook the recipe as listed here it will serve 2 people, but you can alter the serving to one on the recipe website. If there happens to be any leftover it’s delicious heated up the next day for a lite lunch!

Feature Photo by Mae Mu on Unsplash

I Almost Missed It

I couldn’t find a good photo online of what I saw. Maybe it was a moment that couldn’t be caught by a phone camera. I thought about taking a picture, because at the time my phone was in my hand. This is also how I almost missed it.

There’s a popular saying, “Do more things that make you forget your phone”, but I was doing nothing. I had awakened before dawn to begin my day in a mindful way. Once it was daylight, I exited my sacred space and entered the main part of the house for a cup of tea to sit and sip while reading. I’m still learning to rest and for those who are following that topic, I’m now reading. “Sabbath”, by Wayne Muller.

The thunderstorm arrived quickly as if out of nowhere. I grabbed my phone to check the weather app and then of course having the phone in hand took me onto checking a couple of other apps until I caught myself plowing through emails. The thunder had stopped and I could hear a good, steady rain falling on the tin roof. That’s when I looked up from my phone and my gaze landed on a nearby window. I sat in awe of what the window revealed.

The raindrops were tiny and gently streaming straight down with a slight breeze ruffling a vine growing along the neighbors fence. What drew me into this moment was the sunlight streaming between the fence and a tree at just the right angle that transformed it into a showcase of nature. It only lasted for a minute before the sun retreated behind a cloud and the rain began to cease.

In a restful state, or ‘not doing’ there are extraordinary moments like these readily available to witness, and to think by looking at my phone…I almost missed it.

Practice a restful state while I read this to you.

Photo by Danielle Dolson on Unsplash

Joy in the Morning

The feature photo for this post is my current screensaver on my phone. I replace it periodically, depending on the type encouragement needed for the journey, and I do the same thing with my laptop.

There are quite a few songs that helped me walk through hell this year, but when I heard this song it said exactly what I needed to hear. When we’re living in circumstances beyond our control, our joy dissipates. I’ve had three rude awakenings this year and we’re barely out of March!

I like the saying, “It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you.” At the start of the new year, I needed to strengthen my faith and trust God more that He’s got this, even when I don’t. The three words I whisper continually are, “I trust You”, and as soon as those words fall out of my mouth, I feel at peace.

The part of this song that kept jumping out at me was, “If it’s not good, then He’s not done with it yet.” I’m still not sure if that refers to the situation, or the work He did in me because everything I went through strengthened my faith and relationship with Him. Each day I’d do the possible and give Him the impossible, in hopes the next day would be a little bit better than where I stood.

It was slow going. It was not fun. I cried a lot… probably more than I’ve cried in years, but every day was a little bit better and my hope for you is that you keep going until you see… there is joy in the morning.

Tauren Wells-Joy in the Morning

I am taking care of you. Trust Me at all times. Trust Me in all circumstances. Trust Me with all your heart. When you are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, you can still utter these four words, “I trust You, Jesus.” By doing so, you release matters into My control, and you fall back into the security of My everlasting arms.

March 30th Jesus Calling-Sarah Young

Take Care of Less

My daughter moving out last year has changed every aspect of my life. Being perpetually single I realized there’s no one to take care of for the first time in my life except me. It’s not a negative by any means, but it’s different.

I heard the sound of the big truck pull into the neighborhood and park nearby. Within minutes you hear the purr of the riding mower in my neighbors front yard and I know that my yard is next. I don’t have much grass and it’s mostly weeds, but even weeds need to be mowed in Spring. I used to enjoy mowing my yard myself, but my neighbor, Hercules, and I found a guy who’ll mow it whenever needed for $25. That is an immediate yes.

The next morning I stepped outside with a cup of tea and sat down to gaze at the freshly mowed yard. It was early, so the air was cool and crisp, but I was still wearing my fluffy robe and pajamas as I surveyed the flowerless flowerbeds. I haven’t planted anything yet and not sure I will. Over the years this yard has consumed hours of my life with watering overflowing flowerbeds by my design, but they look quiet and peaceful while empty.

Maybe instead of me taking care of the yard, the yard wants to care for me by offering the option to take care of less.

Feature Photo by Diana Schröder-Bode on Unsplash

The Longer You Wait

I believe it began with an early purchase of the wreath for the front door. I knew I’d need to wait until Winter passed to hang it, much to Gary’s sadness, but holding firm to my first week of March debut has been a challenge. I think about hanging it everyday, but there’s a sweet spot to be found in the waiting.

The same with flowers. The garden centers are open and brimming with the first round of seasonal beauties, but I’ve resisted walking into one. My self discipline with flowers is minimal, so it’s best to stay away because here’s what I learned about doing things early. The earlier you do them, the longer the upkeep.

By late February, of 2021, my flowers beds were filled with flowering inpatients and I was instructed to water them every other day for weeks to establish their roots. By mid March they began to grow and by June they were absolutely stunning to see. July and August are the hottest months in Texas and inpatients take a lot of water, so, here’s Barb, hose in hand watering every flower bed at least 3 times a week in 100 degree temps. I don’t want to do that again.

June 2021

Last Winter, I brought two of my favorite flowering plants indoors to stay warm and rest. They went dormant, but now are exhibiting signs of new growth, so I’m easing them back outside. I’m perfectly content with those plants and am looking forward to the day they bloom, but in the meantime I’ll wait to see what my heart says about this yard. Possibilities arise in abundance the longer you wait.

Relax and allow me to read this to you:

Chocolate and Hummus

My daughter is visiting Wednesday and by the time this is published that day will be here. It’s Tuesday morning, but not yet daylight as I sit and type. I woke up thinking about the pile of drafts on this site waiting for the light of day.

Sitting here at 6:30 a.m. it seems the drafts and I have similar interests…to see the light of day. The drafts are mainly titles and some have the makings of a blogpost already written on the page, but this one was merely a title. It was written last April and saved to drafts when my daughter still lived here. Chocolate and hummus were two things we kept readily available in this house.

They weren’t always there, but if not, they were easily accessible. A quick drive to the market would manifest chocolate and hummus into our home which made that day better in some way. My daughter’s happiness moment was a fresh container of hummus with Naan and mine was having some form of chocolate to snack on. Stepping into the kitchen I see the glass jar of chocolate almost empty and the hummus sitting in the fridge is about a week old and half eaten.

Seeing this title almost one year later I can surmise chocolate and hummus lost their footing in my solo life, but they were a mainstay in our life together. These two things brought comfort in knowing they were there and I wonder if she’ll look for them today? Taking a sweeping glance around the house it looks like a single woman/writer lives here with way too many books, but I hope it forever feels like home…with or without chocolate and hummus.