We signed the lease for this little house mid-December 2017, at the very end of my Breast Cancer journey. It was a space for healing and almost a decade later, it still is.

In 30 years time, I lived in 13 different houses. During my marriage a move was always related to my husbands job, but in 2014, I left the marriage and began working from home to be present for my daughter. Because we moved so often it took a long time for me to resist the urge to move. This little house was rented on a yearly basis and I recall my stress level increasing near the end of every lease. Would we stay another year?

In previous years the reason I had to move was always a rent increase and the rent here has increased, but I took on another part-time job and was able to make rent. It hasn’t increased in a while, but God has always provided rent for this little house on time, opposed to other homes. After 8 years of not ‘having’ to move, I started to settle in and not panic so much. Last year I asked my landlord for a 2-year lease and he obliged.

This morning the dogs were outside with me as I was watering some plants and I stepped through the gate with the hose to feed the wildflowers. The gate didn’t close all the way until I moved the hose for it to close and I saw both dogs lounging on the deck in the shade watching me. Denver has always taken advantage of a gate not properly closed, but today, he didn’t even move.

We used to refer to Denver as our escape artist because if the gate wasn’t shut properly he’d nudge it open and take off, but not today. Maybe he’s retired that title and maybe we both have because there’s a feeling of nothing to escape from.

Moving as often as I did it never entered my mind to relax and simply live. That feeling of each move being a ‘new beginning’ is replaced by an anxious ‘escape’. I felt as if I was running from my life, when really, I was packing it up and relocating it to another house. It took years but witnessing the dogs’ calm demeanor is evidence that it’s okay to stop running and live a peaceful life.